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1.

“I’m sorry,” Olivia said, the phone still pressed to her ear. Can I…I have another phone number…can I have just a minute? I can catch up?”

There is a missing beginning quotation mark before “Can I…”.

Also, I don’t read “I can catch up?” as a question. Seems like it should have a period instead. Or maybe even an exclamation point.

2.

…Rosie busied herself not with staring at the presents that Olivia and David had already set out, wrapped and tucked beneath the tree branches but with quietly lining up the strands of yellow hay that lined the base of the Nativity set.

I think there should be a comma after “branches” since that is the end of that clause.

3.

…with her husband - hopefully, resurrected and breathing once more somewhere in this distorted mirror version of the world she once knew - how could she ever…

I would say no comma after “hopefully” since her husband is hopefully resurrected.

(I knew it! David and Olivia are passing by each other!)

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