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1.

The front gate was crumbled in the middle like aluminum foil, curled and bent in upon itself, a tangled mess of wire and mesh.

- Should this be “crumpled” instead of “crumbled”?

- You say “mess” here and “masses” later in the paragraph. I don’t know if you intended to use “mass/es” in both places or not…just pointing it out.

2.

Strangely, the truck had been backed up into the confines of the fence, with the rear of the flatbed pulled directly up to the front door,…

Maybe just me, but since the truck was backed in, I envision the flatbed as being “pushed” directly up to…instead of “pulled”.

3.

The truck was pulled so close to the building…

Again, I’d say “pushed”.

4.

“I don’t suppose either of you have a gun?”

I know this is a person speaking, but technically “either” is singular so if it’s grammatically correct, it would be:

“I don’t suppose either of you has a gun?”

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