7 Comments
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Lisa's avatar

Gordon looked both ways on the street and thought about crossing.  Should he run?

Probably just me, but I had to read this twice because I thought he was running to help the woman, not running away. Maybe: ... and thought about crossing to get away from the danger. Should he run?

Other than that, I’m just so impressed with the storylines and depth of characters you are creating. You are so creative! Very compelling.

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Greg Willits's avatar

Tweaked it. Thanks!

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Matthew Marks's avatar

I can't believe I have to wait weeks now to find out what happens next!

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Matthew Marks's avatar

"He’d brewed a cup of plain Lipton tea earlier, took the first sip too quickly, and scalded the side of his tongue."

Should "took" be "taken", to match the past participle of "had brewed"?

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Greg's avatar

FWIW, I agree with Matthew... that the tense should likely be the same.

Either *He* brewed ... (implied he) took ... (implied he) scalded...

-OR-

*He'd* brewed ... (implied he'd) taken ... (implied he'd) scalded.

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Greg Willits's avatar

I'll take y'alls word(s) for it. Changed to taken.

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User's avatar
Comment deleted
Nov 19, 2022
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Greg Willits's avatar

Take another peek at those peaks :D

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