I am *just now* getting around to making these edits. Thank you much for these, especially the rivets. You're right, rivets doesn’t work, but neither does rivulet (which is a stream of water). So I changed it to pore. Basically, I wanted it to be a very small dimple of a hole. I don't know why I got "rivet" in my head when I first wrote that 7 years ago. Alas. Thanks for the catch.
On this one, since it's dialogue, I lean towards keeping it as is, just because I tend to hear Frankie talking a lot and using a lot of words, so it fits him to add it something like "that is." I imagine him using a lot of deadwood.
1. Of course, he’d be confused.
I hear this without the comma. I don’t think a pause is effective here.
2. …and you see bumps and holes and rivets that look like the Grand Canyon.
Did you mean rivulets instead of rivets?
3. “The theory,” Frankie interjected, “At least according to Becca,…
Should be lower case “a”: …”at least…
4. …bumps and holes and rivets as our lovely Dr. Small here…
Again: rivulets?
I am *just now* getting around to making these edits. Thank you much for these, especially the rivets. You're right, rivets doesn’t work, but neither does rivulet (which is a stream of water). So I changed it to pore. Basically, I wanted it to be a very small dimple of a hole. I don't know why I got "rivet" in my head when I first wrote that 7 years ago. Alas. Thanks for the catch.
“The theory,” Frankie interjected, “At least according to Becca, that is, is that if you could somehow grab hold of one of the bumps and holes
You can eliminate "that is" as "deadwood" (words that don't add to the meaning). It means the same if you change it to
“The theory,” Frankie interjected, “At least according to Becca, is that if you could somehow grab hold of one of the bumps and holes
On this one, since it's dialogue, I lean towards keeping it as is, just because I tend to hear Frankie talking a lot and using a lot of words, so it fits him to add it something like "that is." I imagine him using a lot of deadwood.
I think that's a reasonable counterpoint.