The fishing bobber was invisible, hidden beneath the filmy top epilimnion layer of the lake, hazel green and murky. Summer water. In Jeremy’s hands was a fiberglass rod, slightly heavier than the graphite rods he typically preferred. In truth, he didn’t even realize he was holding a fishing rod, that a line was in the water, or that he was sitting in a boat at all. At that moment, Jeremy was unaware of everything.
Hmmm, back in time with their current memories...I like it!
Two things:
1. “Mark?” Jeremy said. He was surprised how his own voice cracked, high pitched for just a moment as he said the first syllable before dropping down an octave on the next.
This was a bit confusing to me as you talk about two syllables, but “Mark” only has one syllable.
2. Mark was preparing to graduate high school with his sister, Rosie.
Hmmm, back in time with their current memories...I like it!
Two things:
1. “Mark?” Jeremy said. He was surprised how his own voice cracked, high pitched for just a moment as he said the first syllable before dropping down an octave on the next.
This was a bit confusing to me as you talk about two syllables, but “Mark” only has one syllable.
2. Mark was preparing to graduate high school with his sister, Rosie.
... graduate from high school...