Sunlight seeped between the slatted blinds, first as thin narrow lines before lengthening into wide arcs projected upon the walls like luminescent shelves. As he watched, orange light found its way to every corner of Gordon’s bedroom almost precisely as it had forty years prior, the first time it was the day after he’d buried his wife.
1. As he watched, orange light found its way to every corner of Gordon’s bedroom almost precisely as it had forty years prior, the first time it was the day after he’d buried his wife.
This seems like it should be two sentences, or reworded. Some ideas:
…as it had forty years prior. The first time was the day after…
…as it had forty years prior, the day after he’d buried his wife.
…as it had forty years prior; the first time was the day…
2. Down the small hallway in the tiny spare room where he and Marie had hoped to one day tuck children to bed,…
I have heard this as “tuck in”… had hoped one day to tuck children in bed,…
"LARGE (oversized) pocket on the outside of the suitcase.
Down the small hallway in the tiny spare room where he and Marie had hoped to one day tuck children to bed, he found four shoeboxes and a LARGE (big) rectangular cardboard box. The cardboard box was something he had long tossed out but here it was again. It was from the LARGE (Big) window fan"
[...] "customer making a LARGE (sizable) withdrawal that"
Not a grammar mistake, but you might want to think of another way to say "large", since you used it three times in 4 sentences. And then again further down. I've added some possible (not necessarily best) alternatives if you want to replace any of your large use of large...
1. As he watched, orange light found its way to every corner of Gordon’s bedroom almost precisely as it had forty years prior, the first time it was the day after he’d buried his wife.
This seems like it should be two sentences, or reworded. Some ideas:
…as it had forty years prior. The first time was the day after…
…as it had forty years prior, the day after he’d buried his wife.
…as it had forty years prior; the first time was the day…
2. Down the small hallway in the tiny spare room where he and Marie had hoped to one day tuck children to bed,…
I have heard this as “tuck in”… had hoped one day to tuck children in bed,…
"LARGE (oversized) pocket on the outside of the suitcase.
Down the small hallway in the tiny spare room where he and Marie had hoped to one day tuck children to bed, he found four shoeboxes and a LARGE (big) rectangular cardboard box. The cardboard box was something he had long tossed out but here it was again. It was from the LARGE (Big) window fan"
[...] "customer making a LARGE (sizable) withdrawal that"
Not a grammar mistake, but you might want to think of another way to say "large", since you used it three times in 4 sentences. And then again further down. I've added some possible (not necessarily best) alternatives if you want to replace any of your large use of large...