“Why are you crying?” Tabitha’s father asked when he found her. She was maybe five years old at the time and sobbing uncontrollably, alone in her room.
Let me just say that I find it amusing that I've worked it so that comments on my posts are more about grammar than the substance of the posts themselves.
I found an error in this paragraph. I'm sure you meant to say "he made his WAY from one laboratory..."
"He was tall and bent, with thin arms and legs, yet he retained a rotund belly that spilled over his belt. He shuffled along everywhere he went, pushing a walker to keep his balance as he made his ONE from one laboratory to the next, always followed close behind by his full-time nurse who diligently stayed two steps behind him wherever he went."
Thanks Rose. Someone actually pointed that out previously. Just curious - were you reading this from the original email that was sent out or the version on the website? I obviously can't fix typos once they've gone out via email, but I change them on the website pretty fast after someone points them out. Thanks for your willingness to help!
Yes, I was reading from the original email. So now I'm reading on gregwillits.substack.com (is this where I should be?) and noticed your edit, but then lo and behold I read this...
"Tabitha paused and looked at the man she considered a mentor. For the first time SHE they first met, she saw something else."
Just saying. 😁😇
I am really enjoying reading your book and looking forward to more chapters.
remove first “one”: “pushing a walker to keep his balance as he made his one way from one laboratory to the next,”
Inconsistent capitalizations: Large Hadron Collider and large hadron collider
Maybe my own personal preference? I read this as emotions being plural so… “stirred uneasy emotions within her that was too eerily reminiscent” would be: “stirred uneasy emotions within her that were too eerily reminiscent”
Like Greg G's other find - apparently I've been using the wrong form of that word all along.
Good catch on the "one"
Fixed the caps. I typically see it in caps, so I went that way, though I'm not entirely sure *why* it's usually capitalized.
On that last one, the "was" actually refers back to the start of the sentence, "The way the morning had started..." So, if you removed the parts between the commas, the sentence would read, "The way the morning had started was too eerily reminiscent of all those years ago..." So I think was it correct in this case. But I could be wrong on that one. I'm going to mull that over.
I guess why I'm LEERY of the caps on Large Hadron Collider is because I think of it more as a thing rather than a place. And because the characters in my book are building a second (though somewhat less known) one, now I'm wondering if for purpose of the novel, I should NOT capitalize. Hmmmmmm.
There's no ambiguity on this one. It *is* a proper noun. Per Grammarly on the link above: "A proper noun, on the other hand, names a noun precisely." There is only *one* Large Hadron Collider, so it *is* a proper noun. So it *should* be capitalized. FWIW, repeated references to it can be shortened by mentioning in the first one that it is often shortened to its acronym LHC, as it is on their website:
The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is the world’s largest and most powerful particle accelerator. It first started up on 10 September 2008, and remains the latest addition to CERN’s accelerator complex. The LHC consists of a 27-kilometre ring of superconducting magnets with a number of accelerating structures to boost the energy of the particles along the way.
Again, though, the ambiguity is that, for the purposes of this fictional work, there would be a SECOND LHC. So...I'm still not sure. Would it still be a proper noun if there was more than one?
Also, I did use LHC as an acronym, but later on in the chapter. I didn't want there to be confusion between ENH, CERN, and LHC, so I spelled out Large Hadron Collider.
The way the morning had started, waking up to the unexpected urgency of Becca’s terse all-company directive to meet promptly at 8 AM, stirring uneasy emotions within her, was too eerily reminiscent of all those years ago when other unexpected news rapidly circulated through the organization upon the passing of Dr. Harbash.
Yeah, still not sure. I can't quite pinpoint why/how, but that doesn't feel quite right. It's an overly long sentence, though, for sure. I'll keep giving it thought.
Also, this is a run-on sentence: “It’s special because it’s unlike anyone else’s in our family.” It needs a comma after special. "“It’s special, because it’s unlike anyone else’s in our family.”
After reading their explanation, I'd omit the comma. Sorry for the confusion; nothing to see here; move along. This is an example of why you should always be LEERY of grammatical advice given on the internet... :-)
Yeah, I see what you mean, but I think it can go either way. I've always written as I hear the pauses in my brain, as if I'm narrating the audiobook while simultaneously writing. In this case, I think the comma is needed. It's not just her earliest memory of her hair, it's her earliest strong memory period. So the comma separates out those two. I could have written, "This was her earliest strong memory. It was about being embarrassed about her brilliantly red hair." But that would have been extra wordy (I'm bad enough at too many words as it is!). But interesting to think about that line, though. The more I think about it, the more I like the comma there.
Let me just say that I find it amusing that I've worked it so that comments on my posts are more about grammar than the substance of the posts themselves.
Hey, Greg,
I found an error in this paragraph. I'm sure you meant to say "he made his WAY from one laboratory..."
"He was tall and bent, with thin arms and legs, yet he retained a rotund belly that spilled over his belt. He shuffled along everywhere he went, pushing a walker to keep his balance as he made his ONE from one laboratory to the next, always followed close behind by his full-time nurse who diligently stayed two steps behind him wherever he went."
Thanks Rose. Someone actually pointed that out previously. Just curious - were you reading this from the original email that was sent out or the version on the website? I obviously can't fix typos once they've gone out via email, but I change them on the website pretty fast after someone points them out. Thanks for your willingness to help!
Yes, I was reading from the original email. So now I'm reading on gregwillits.substack.com (is this where I should be?) and noticed your edit, but then lo and behold I read this...
"Tabitha paused and looked at the man she considered a mentor. For the first time SHE they first met, she saw something else."
Just saying. 😁😇
I am really enjoying reading your book and looking forward to more chapters.
Imbue instead of embue
remove first “one”: “pushing a walker to keep his balance as he made his one way from one laboratory to the next,”
Inconsistent capitalizations: Large Hadron Collider and large hadron collider
Maybe my own personal preference? I read this as emotions being plural so… “stirred uneasy emotions within her that was too eerily reminiscent” would be: “stirred uneasy emotions within her that were too eerily reminiscent”
Like Greg G's other find - apparently I've been using the wrong form of that word all along.
Good catch on the "one"
Fixed the caps. I typically see it in caps, so I went that way, though I'm not entirely sure *why* it's usually capitalized.
On that last one, the "was" actually refers back to the start of the sentence, "The way the morning had started..." So, if you removed the parts between the commas, the sentence would read, "The way the morning had started was too eerily reminiscent of all those years ago..." So I think was it correct in this case. But I could be wrong on that one. I'm going to mull that over.
*why* it's usually capitalized. Because it's a proper noun (or proper name).
https://www.grammarly.com/blog/proper-nouns/#:~:text=A%20proper%20noun%20is%20a,also%20sometimes%20called%20proper%20names.
I guess why I'm LEERY of the caps on Large Hadron Collider is because I think of it more as a thing rather than a place. And because the characters in my book are building a second (though somewhat less known) one, now I'm wondering if for purpose of the novel, I should NOT capitalize. Hmmmmmm.
There's no ambiguity on this one. It *is* a proper noun. Per Grammarly on the link above: "A proper noun, on the other hand, names a noun precisely." There is only *one* Large Hadron Collider, so it *is* a proper noun. So it *should* be capitalized. FWIW, repeated references to it can be shortened by mentioning in the first one that it is often shortened to its acronym LHC, as it is on their website:
The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is the world’s largest and most powerful particle accelerator. It first started up on 10 September 2008, and remains the latest addition to CERN’s accelerator complex. The LHC consists of a 27-kilometre ring of superconducting magnets with a number of accelerating structures to boost the energy of the particles along the way.
Again, though, the ambiguity is that, for the purposes of this fictional work, there would be a SECOND LHC. So...I'm still not sure. Would it still be a proper noun if there was more than one?
Also, I did use LHC as an acronym, but later on in the chapter. I didn't want there to be confusion between ENH, CERN, and LHC, so I spelled out Large Hadron Collider.
If there were to be a second one, I would only guess they'd call it LHC2 or some such (as they did with Apollo 1,2,... 13, etc.).
It's *your* imagined fictional future, you can do what you want (obviously).
I'd think it would only become lower case if it became so common that it was similar to Kleenex and facial tissue.
I see your point. May I suggest:
The way the morning had started, waking up to the unexpected urgency of Becca’s terse all-company directive to meet promptly at 8 AM, stirring uneasy emotions within her, was too eerily reminiscent of all those years ago when other unexpected news rapidly circulated through the organization upon the passing of Dr. Harbash.
Yeah, still not sure. I can't quite pinpoint why/how, but that doesn't feel quite right. It's an overly long sentence, though, for sure. I'll keep giving it thought.
Also, this is a run-on sentence: “It’s special because it’s unlike anyone else’s in our family.” It needs a comma after special. "“It’s special, because it’s unlike anyone else’s in our family.”
Interestingly, Grammerly is arguing with this one.
I was always taught that if you have a compound sentence (two complete sentences) joined with a conjunction, you have to use a comma.
But ... I just googled "is because a conjunction" and the top search result ... is Grammarly's explanation as to why there is no comma. https://www.grammarly.com/blog/comma-before-because/#:~:text=Because%20is%20a%20subordinating%20conjunction,a%20comma%20would%20cause%20ambiguity. I believe I had forgotten the "subordinating conjunction" part of the rule.
After reading their explanation, I'd omit the comma. Sorry for the confusion; nothing to see here; move along. This is an example of why you should always be LEERY of grammatical advice given on the internet... :-)
leery is most commonly spelled with two e's, not leary. https://writingexplained.org/leary-or-leery-spelling
Drats. I've been using it wrong my whole life.
It's Greg Gorman, btw...
I think this “white beard held a roadmap” should be “white beard hid a roadmap”?
Good catch. That works better.
Not sure, but it seems you do not need the comma in the following sentence. “...earliest strong memory, of being ...”
Yeah, I see what you mean, but I think it can go either way. I've always written as I hear the pauses in my brain, as if I'm narrating the audiobook while simultaneously writing. In this case, I think the comma is needed. It's not just her earliest memory of her hair, it's her earliest strong memory period. So the comma separates out those two. I could have written, "This was her earliest strong memory. It was about being embarrassed about her brilliantly red hair." But that would have been extra wordy (I'm bad enough at too many words as it is!). But interesting to think about that line, though. The more I think about it, the more I like the comma there.