…that he clutched onto her in return — not as an emotionally loving response to finally finding his wife amid the chaos of the last few weeks — trying to steady himself and keep from falling flat onto his rear.
Since you have the word “not,” I think you need a “but” to counteract it. To me this sounds better:
…that he clutched onto her in return, not as an emotionally loving response to finally finding his wife amid the chaos of the last few weeks, but rather trying to steady himself and keep from falling flat onto his rear.
2.
…which was surprisingly malodorous and indicated a deep need for a shower.
This made me laugh out loud!
3.
…black hole seemed to be bearing upon them…
Should this be:
…black hole seemed to be bearing down upon them…
4.
“No kidding? Your fault?…
To me, “no kidding” is a exclamation, not a question:
“No kidding! Your fault?…
5.
We’ve got another black hole about to rear down on us.
1.
…that he clutched onto her in return — not as an emotionally loving response to finally finding his wife amid the chaos of the last few weeks — trying to steady himself and keep from falling flat onto his rear.
Since you have the word “not,” I think you need a “but” to counteract it. To me this sounds better:
…that he clutched onto her in return, not as an emotionally loving response to finally finding his wife amid the chaos of the last few weeks, but rather trying to steady himself and keep from falling flat onto his rear.
2.
…which was surprisingly malodorous and indicated a deep need for a shower.
This made me laugh out loud!
3.
…black hole seemed to be bearing upon them…
Should this be:
…black hole seemed to be bearing down upon them…
4.
“No kidding? Your fault?…
To me, “no kidding” is a exclamation, not a question:
“No kidding! Your fault?…
5.
We’ve got another black hole about to rear down on us.
Do you mean “bear down”?