Wow, nice cliff hanger! I was not expecting the violence on the streets either. Can’t wait to find out more!
Just a few suggestions (maybe more my own personal preferences):
1. He had already spent more time than he should have, wallowing in the situation alone, of suddenly standing in a long-gone version of his own body, with all his memories, beliefs, and mentalities intact.
This sentence reads awkwardly to me. I might suggest:
He had already spent more time than he should have, wallowing in the situation of suddenly standing in a long-gone version of his own body, with all his memories, beliefs, and mentalities intact.
2. She’d never mentioned traversing the entire global population en masse, though.
It doesn’t seem like “traversing” is used quite right here. I’m thinking “transporting” might be more appropriate.
3. …advertisements for movies set to open in that week,…
Thanks, Lisa. Regarding #1, I think I'll leave that as is for now. You're probably right on the personal preference. The way it's written -- though admittedly wordy -- sounds "right" inside my noggin. For 2, I'm a bit more perplexed. Like you, I like "transported" better, but the definition I read of "traverse" seemed more like time travel: travel across or through, move (something) back and forth or sideways. The way everything has gone wonky fits that last part of the definition. I'll mull on that, though. For 3, spot on. Good catch!
I don’t mean to belabor the point, however I believe “traverse” in the sense of moving (something) back and forth or sideways is an intransitive verb, meaning it doesn’t take a direct object. You have the “entire global population” as the object here. Since it has a direct object, it doesn’t follow the definition you’re suggesting. (My 2¢!)
Wow, nice cliff hanger! I was not expecting the violence on the streets either. Can’t wait to find out more!
Just a few suggestions (maybe more my own personal preferences):
1. He had already spent more time than he should have, wallowing in the situation alone, of suddenly standing in a long-gone version of his own body, with all his memories, beliefs, and mentalities intact.
This sentence reads awkwardly to me. I might suggest:
He had already spent more time than he should have, wallowing in the situation of suddenly standing in a long-gone version of his own body, with all his memories, beliefs, and mentalities intact.
2. She’d never mentioned traversing the entire global population en masse, though.
It doesn’t seem like “traversing” is used quite right here. I’m thinking “transporting” might be more appropriate.
3. …advertisements for movies set to open in that week,…
I would probably drop “in”…
…advertisements for movies set to open that week…
Thanks, Lisa. Regarding #1, I think I'll leave that as is for now. You're probably right on the personal preference. The way it's written -- though admittedly wordy -- sounds "right" inside my noggin. For 2, I'm a bit more perplexed. Like you, I like "transported" better, but the definition I read of "traverse" seemed more like time travel: travel across or through, move (something) back and forth or sideways. The way everything has gone wonky fits that last part of the definition. I'll mull on that, though. For 3, spot on. Good catch!
I don’t mean to belabor the point, however I believe “traverse” in the sense of moving (something) back and forth or sideways is an intransitive verb, meaning it doesn’t take a direct object. You have the “entire global population” as the object here. Since it has a direct object, it doesn’t follow the definition you’re suggesting. (My 2¢!)